A Study in Estrangement
I’ve been doing my due diligence lately, dedicating more time to reading the research on parent-child estrangement. I’ve not encountered anything concluding that what’s behind this is your fault or mine, at least not categorically. That is, the studies do not say that the catalyst behind this is an abuse epidemic, a systemic breakdown in parenting competence, […]
An Activity for Connection
An activity for in case you’re reasonably hopeful about reuniting with your estranged child: Write down those passing things you’d have said or shared with them, such as songs you heard, a meal like you’ve shared, a funny moment, etc. I’d suggest keeping it in something physical, like a small box with notes in it, […]
Something Led to This
When you are panicking, a set of physical symptoms will likely manifest. These can include accelerated heart rate, faster breathing, sweating, shaking and more. Some people report severe, illness-mimicking symptoms such as chest pains, tingling extremities, and tunnel vision. Fortunately, breathing is both voluntary and involuntary. Try to will your heart into slowing down, and […]
Tonight is Plan B
When I started writing this portion of the newsletter a few hours ago, inspiration struck. I found myself making connections between models of change, and all sorts of fancy lingo crept into the rough draft. I felt like I was back in grad school, having lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment. Sharing it with you as […]
“It Takes All the Kung Fu I Have”
From my close friend, Whit McClendon: When my son, Connor, was nine or ten years old, I took him to a local bowling alley so we could have some fun together. He’d never bowled before and although I’d spent a huge part of my childhood in a bowling alley, I wasn’t a terribly good bowler either, […]
That Which I Loved Broke My Heart
As I sit here in the studio, I’m listening to Porcupine Tree, one of my favorite bands. It’s loud, but it’s not too loud. I have moderate hearing impairment, which I first noticed when I was about 13 years old. I wear hearing aids, and audiologists say the loss appears to have been the result […]
The Concept of Hope
How do you handle hope, estranged parents? I imagine stories of hope have been around for as long as we’ve had written language. Perhaps most frequently we think of Pandora’s Box from Greek mythology. After opening a box that releases evil into the world, Pandora closes it before hope can escape. If I’d been asked […]
Tribes
Not that long ago, my counselor challenged me to write down my tribes. I’d spent some time in a session talking about the loneliness that sometimes comes with being different. It’s not always sad or distressful. Nevertheless, if there is something that sets you apart, opportunities to be with similar people may be infrequent. Case […]
Transparency
Back in 2019, I was running a drug and alcohol treatment group in a rehab, and I made a mistake. Our group was about a dozen people who had completed the inpatient part of their treatment. My group, called Intensive Outpatient (IOP), was part of the process of stepping people down from the safe confines […]
Support Groups
I love support groups. As a counselor, of course, I do believe in the value of sitting with a professional and seeking input and guidance. I’ve had the good fortune to see a number of excellent counselors in my life (including my current one), and I certainly try to be that person for my own […]