Distress is what puts a person in a virtual seat in one of our PLACE groups. We are not a reunification group; we are in the coping business.
And a person’s work to cope can be as multifaceted as estrangement itself. In fact, “for your consideration” describes our approach. Advice can be tricky and limiting. What works for me might be a poor fit for you. Still, we process and analyze options together.
We had a discussion recently about adaptive responses to our distress. That is, we talked about what we feel we’ve done right as we work to cope.
However, the other question came up during the discussion: What have I done wrong? Our peer support relies on being truthful with ourselves and others.
In the face of the sort of distress that comes with estrangement, it’s understandable if someone resorts to maladaptive behaviors. Short-term relief via alcohol, drugs, isolation, binges of all sorts and other self-destructive behaviors can be seductive. However, it’s a trapdoor that drops us deeper into the pit. We may feel so desperate to relieve our distress that we’re willing to make a deal with the devil for some relief. We can make the mistake of not thinking through our actions to the predictable negative outcome.
I share all this not in the spirit of judgment, but to normalize. Our estrangement can result in trauma, depression, anxiety, and a whole host of other mental and emotional problems. If you’ve turned to maladaptive behaviors in an attempt to cope, you aren’t the only one. Still, take a minute and ask yourself: Am I trying to cope via something that’s bad for me?
If so, what do you need to do about it? Maladaptive behaviors will compound your distress, profoundly interfering with your ability to learn and implement healthy coping strategies from the biological, psychological, and sociological realms.
