Hi, I’m Brian Briscoe.
If you’ve landed on this page, chances are something devastating has happened. Maybe it was a message, a voicemail, a social media block—or maybe it was just silence that grew louder over time. However it unfolded, the bottom line is this:
Your child has cut you off.
And now you’re left wondering:
- What do I do?
- Should I reach out again—or give them space?
- What did I do wrong?
- Is this forever?
- How do I live with this pain?
I want to start by saying this as clearly as possible:
You are not alone. You are not crazy. And you are not beyond help.
This article isn’t going to offer magical fixes. That’s not how estrangement works. What it will offer is a way forward. A steady, compassionate hand to help you start putting one foot in front of the other—even when the ground feels like it’s fallen out from under you.
First, Breathe. You’re in Shock.
When your child cuts you off, it’s not just painful—it’s disorienting. It’s a rupture in the deepest emotional bond you know.
Many parents describe it like a death with no funeral.
You don’t know how to grieve, because there’s no closure.
You don’t know how to act, because there’s no script.
You might find yourself:
- Scrolling through old messages, searching for clues
- Blaming yourself constantly
- Feeling panicked, ashamed, or depressed
- Struggling to sleep or eat
- Swinging between hope and despair
These are normal responses to an abnormal situation.
You are grieving.
But unlike traditional grief, estrangement is ambiguous. There’s no clear beginning or end. There’s no socially sanctioned way to mourn.
That’s why we start here—with permission to feel, without judgment.
Step 1: Understand What Estrangement Really Is
Estrangement happens when a child (typically adult) chooses to limit or cut off communication with a parent.
The reasons are complex, and often include:
- Unresolved family conflict
- Differing values or lifestyles
- Perceived emotional harm
- Abuse, neglect, or trauma
- Boundary violations
- Mental health struggles (theirs or yours)
Sometimes, the estrangement comes out of nowhere—at least from your perspective. Other times, it’s been building for years.
Here’s the hard truth: you might never get a full explanation.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t begin to understand—and heal.
Step 2: Don’t Panic—Pause
Your first instinct might be to fix it—right now.
You may feel tempted to:
- Call repeatedly
- Send long, emotional letters
- Apologize profusely (even if you don’t fully understand what for)
- Show up in person to “clear the air”
These are human impulses. But acting on them too quickly can make things worse.
When a child cuts you off, they’re making a boundary—whether you agree with it or not. Trying to override that boundary may only reinforce their choice to disconnect.
Instead, give it space. Pause. Breathe. Let the emotional dust settle.
Sometimes, doing nothing immediately is the most respectful—and strategic—move you can make.
Step 3: Get Support (You Deserve It)
One of the most dangerous myths around estrangement is that you caused it and you’re on your own to fix it.
That’s false—and harmful.
Whether the estrangement was triggered by past harm or current misunderstandings, you still deserve support. You still deserve healing. You still deserve community.
That’s why I created PLACE (Parents Living After Child Estrangement)—a space where you can:
- Be heard without being blamed
- Connect with other parents walking this painful road
- Learn tools for healing, communication, and boundary-setting
- Rebuild your self-worth
We offer:
- Virtual peer support groups three times a week
- One-on-one estrangement coaching
- Private counseling and mental health assessments
- A book full of practical tools and real stories from estranged parents
Because you shouldn’t have to do this alone.
Step 4: Shift the Focus from Them to You
This is the pivot point.
It’s normal to obsess about what they’re thinking:
- Are they angry? Are they okay? Are they missing me too?
But the truth is, you don’t control their choices. You control yours.
So let’s shift the question:
From: “How do I get my child back?”
To: “How do I take care of myself right now?”
That includes:
- Getting enough rest and nourishment
- Limiting obsessive thinking (e.g., checking their social media)
- Setting a time each day to feel your emotions—then doing something life-giving afterward
- Talking to someone who understands estrangement (not someone who will shame or minimize you)
Step 5: Explore, Don’t Blame
When you’re ready, it can help to reflect on the possible roots of the estrangement.
Not from a place of shame or self-destruction, but from curiosity and growth.
Ask yourself:
- Are there unresolved hurts between us?
- How was communication handled in our family?
- What patterns have been passed down generationally?
- Have I truly tried to understand their perspective—even if I don’t agree with it?
Remember, this isn’t about taking 100% of the blame. It’s about taking 100% responsibility for your healing and self-awareness.
Step 6: Decide—Do You Want to Reach Out?
There’s no one right answer here.
Some children welcome future contact. Others do not.
If you do reach out:
- Keep it brief, kind, and non-defensive
- Do not pressure, guilt, or beg
- Avoid explanations that sound like justifications
- Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them
Example:
“I’m thinking of you. I want you to know I love you. I respect your boundaries and won’t reach out again unless you want me to. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
And then—let go.
If they respond, you can begin a slow, cautious process of reconnection.
If they don’t, you can still be proud of how you showed up: with humility and love.
Step 7: Reclaim Your Life
One of the most painful parts of estrangement is that it can hijack your entire identity. You stop being a parent and start being a ghost—haunting your own memories.
But there is life beyond this grief.
I’ve seen parents go on to:
- Build stronger relationships with other family members
- Volunteer, travel, create, teach
- Heal childhood trauma
- Learn emotional regulation and mindfulness
- Become mentors and advocates for others
- Laugh again—without guilt
It doesn’t mean you’ve given up on your child. It means you’ve come back to yourself.
What If They Never Come Back?
I hear this question often. And the truth is, we don’t know.
Some children return years later. Others don’t. Reconciliation is possible—but not guaranteed.
So here’s what I ask estranged parents to remember:
You are still worthy. Still lovable. Still whole.
Your story doesn’t end because someone else closed a chapter. You get to write the rest—with resilience, with grace, and with community.
And if they do come back someday, you’ll be in a place of strength—not desperation.
Final Words: You’re Not Broken. You’re in Transition.
Estrangement isn’t a moral failure—it’s a relational crisis that often reflects deeper systemic or generational wounds.
You didn’t cause this alone. And you can’t fix it alone.
But you can choose how you respond.
You can choose healing over rumination.
You can create meaning even in the middle of the mess.
Here at PLACE, you’ll never be told to just “get over it.”
You’ll be supported, validated, and empowered to rebuild.
You are not just an estranged parent.
You are still a parent. Still a person.
Still here. Still worthy.
Let’s take the next step together.
—Brian
