When my son was about three years old, I sat down with him to share the news that he had a baby sister on the way.
There we were in the nursery, decorated with new wallpaper, a crib, and a dresser I lovingly finished in an antique off-white. I explained to my son that he was going to be a big brother, which is a special position. I reinforced to him that we’d need him to continue being his good little self, and that the baby would grow to know and love him.
I paused for a moment, and in the silence, he took it all in before responding.
“Yeah, and I’m gonna be a fish!”
And instead of lamenting the unexpected pivot in our father-son moment, I could only chuckle. “Well, good talk, son.”
We quote his perfect non sequitur to this day.
*
If your thoughts are like fish in a pond, is it not better to be the pond than the fish?
Or…
Instead of being swept along in the current of your thoughts, swim to the bank and observe from there.
Or…
Your mind is a better servant than master.
Pick whatever metaphor or framework does the trick, but the principle is the same: Objectively analyzing our thoughts instead of merely being led by them lends to better outcomes.
Struggling with automatic negative thoughts (ANTs)? Try responding to them as if they’re being said to you by some unwelcome other version of yourself, perhaps an unwelcome visitor. Would you tolerate any other visitor speaking to you like that? Your boundaries likely wouldn’t allow it from them, so why allow it from this other you?
In short: Yes, this counselor is suggesting that it’s ok to talk to yourself. I promise I’m not making a note in a file about you.
And if you dare, let’s touch on something even farther outside of the box.
If you’re seeking perspective or input on something, consider asking something with whom you know you’ll disagree. Of course, seek input from reliable, trusted sources as well. But a person with whom you disagree comes with their own framework, a product of their own makeup and experiences. I’m not suggesting that you start an argument; I’m suggesting that you assume the position of the curious observer. You might be surprised to find a useful nugget or perspective in what the other person says.
The next time you are troubled, will you be the fish, or will you be the pond?
