PLACE meetings refresh and amaze me. Without fail, we process new perspectives, strategies, and what seem to be never-ending approaches to support.
We had an in-depth discussion recently about understanding our worth. There’s a temptation during parent-child estrangement to conclude that the departure of this other human, our child, is an inarguable indicator that we are less than we’d hoped or intended. We processed this from a number of angles, including whether our worth is determined extrinsically or intrinsically. If we ordain some other human as the gatekeeper of our value, that is an external locus of control. We are therefore at the whims of others, and this approach does not withstand much scrutiny.
Do we instead determine that the true measure of our worth is based upon what’s within us? Can we eschew the social connections that otherwise support us in myriad ways, and instead claim sole dominion over what makes us worthwhile?
Not long ago, I saw a teenager for an intake session. This person reported issues with low self-esteem and depression. Our discussion took a curious turn when I asked for a description of how they viewed their own worth.
“Worth is a word associated with money, and therefore I can’t answer that. A person’s worth can’t be equated with monetary terms.”
I’ve dealt with my share of surly teens who were put in my client chair at the behest of concerned parents.
This was not that.
Something I’d struggled to put my finger on became evident: This person was likely on the autism spectrum. I spoke to the parent and suggested that this client be assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder. The parent followed through and now the client sees a counselor who specializes in ASD.
But think about the message at the heart of their response: Is it not folly to try to measure our own worth?
Maybe we are better served with a simple closed question: In your heart of hearts, did you mean well?
