Hi, I’m Brian Briscoe.
Estrangement isn’t just a “break” in a relationship — it’s a rupture that cuts deep into the identity of a parent. If you’re an estranged parent, you might be quietly carrying around a kind of grief that very few people understand. And if you’re here, reading this, maybe you’ve reached the point where you’re wondering:
“Could therapy actually help? Or is this just something I have to endure?”
Let me assure you — you do not have to do this alone. And yes, therapy can help in powerful, transformative ways.
As a licensed therapist and the founder of PLACE (Parents Living After Child Estrangement), I’ve sat with countless parents just like you: good people, hurting, confused, exhausted by what feels like a never-ending ache. Many of them weren’t sure if therapy could do anything — they just knew they didn’t want to keep spiraling in silence.
This article is for you.
Why Therapy Matters After Estrangement
When a child walks away — whether gradually or suddenly — something shifts in the parent’s world. The normal rules of grief don’t apply. There’s no funeral. No rituals. No casseroles. Just a quiet, persistent ache and a thousand unanswered questions.
Here’s why therapy matters so much for estranged parents:
1. You’re Dealing With Ambiguous Loss
Ambiguous loss happens when someone is physically present but emotionally gone — or vice versa. Estrangement is one of the most painful forms of this loss because:
- It lacks closure.
- It often includes uncertainty about the future.
- It can last for years or decades without resolution.
Therapy helps you process this unique kind of grief. Instead of waiting endlessly for answers or hoping for reconciliation to bring peace, therapy helps you make peace within yourself.
2. You’re Likely Internalizing Blame
Many estranged parents say the same thing:
“I replay every conversation, trying to figure out what I did wrong.”
Therapy helps you understand the difference between:
- Taking responsibility for your actions
- Taking on shame for things beyond your control
You’ll learn to be accountable without being crushed. Reflective without being consumed. This is critical if you want to heal in a healthy, honest way.
3. You’re Not Just a Parent—You’re a Person Who Needs Healing
Therapy helps you reconnect with parts of yourself that may have gotten lost in the fog of estrangement:
- Your self-worth
- Your emotional resilience
- Your voice
- Your values
- Your you-ness
Therapy isn’t just about the estrangement — it’s about reclaiming your wholeness, especially if the relationship with your child had long been a defining part of your identity.
What Therapy Can Actually Look Like for Estranged Parents
Let’s take the mystery out of it. Here’s how I work with estranged parents through PLACE and my private practice:
1. You Set the Pace
Some parents come to therapy and just need to cry for a while. That’s okay.
Others want to analyze every detail of their last conversation with their child. That’s okay too.
I’ll meet you where you are. No pressure. No agenda. Just space to be — and gradually, to rebuild.
2. We Work With the Tools That Fit You Best
I use a combination of evidence-based therapies, tailored to the unique emotional complexity of estrangement:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Helps you recognize and reframe unhelpful thought patterns — like self-blame, catastrophizing, or emotional spirals.
Narrative Therapy
Allows you to reshape the story you’ve been telling yourself. You are more than this estrangement. You are more than a “failed” parent.
Somatic Therapy
Because estrangement trauma often lives in the body — tension, tightness, insomnia, fatigue — somatic work helps release that.
Motivational Interviewing
Helps you figure out what you really want — reconciliation? closure? peace? — and how to move in that direction, gently and clearly.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy
Teaches you to stay present, observe your emotions without judgment, and manage triggers — especially around holidays, birthdays, and other grief points.
Common Themes That Come Up in Therapy for Estranged Parents
You’re not alone — and you’re not broken. Many estranged parents share similar thoughts, and therapy is the safe place to unpack them. Common topics include:
- “Was I a bad parent?”
- “They say I was emotionally unavailable, but I did my best.”
- “What if they never come back?”
- “I feel ashamed to tell anyone.”
- “I’ve lost my sense of purpose.”
- “Should I reach out again?”
- “How do I forgive myself — or them?”
- “What does moving forward even mean?”
Therapy is not about finding “perfect answers.” It’s about finding the ground beneath you again.
How Therapy Helps You Move Forward (Even If Your Child Doesn’t)
One of the biggest fears estranged parents have is that if they move forward, they’re giving up.
Let’s reframe that:
Moving forward is not the same as giving up.
Moving forward is reclaiming your right to peace and purpose — with or without reconciliation.
Therapy helps you:
- Rebuild your self-esteem
- Understand your emotional needs
- Grieve fully — without getting stuck
- Prepare (emotionally and practically) for possible reconnection
- Learn communication skills for potential outreach
- Detangle your identity from parenthood, without abandoning your love
A Note on Reconciliation
Sometimes, therapy lays the foundation for healthy reconnection. But not always. Therapy isn’t a magic wand — it’s preparation.
If reconciliation does happen, you’ll need emotional strength, clarity, and healthy boundaries. You’ll need to be grounded in who you are now, not who you were when the rupture happened.
If reconciliation doesn’t happen — or if it happens and falls apart again — therapy will be the place you can return to, rebuild again, and continue growing.
If You’re Wondering Whether You Deserve Therapy… You Do
Some parents hesitate to start therapy because they feel like they don’t deserve help.
Maybe you think:
- “I made mistakes, so I should just deal with the consequences.”
- “My child is the one who walked away — why do I need therapy?”
- “I should be stronger.”
Please hear this:
You don’t have to suffer alone just because you’re a parent.
Parenting is hard. Estrangement is harder. You still matter. You are still worthy of care, insight, and healing. You are allowed to take up space — even in the pain.
What to Look for in a Therapist for Estrangement
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some tips:
✅ Choose a therapist who’s trauma-informed and nonjudgmental
Estrangement can involve emotional abuse, complex trauma, or deep shame. Make sure your therapist can hold that.
✅ Look for someone familiar with family systems and ambiguous loss
This will help them understand the complex dynamics at play and the grief that lingers.
✅ Make sure you feel emotionally safe
The most important part of therapy is the relationship. You should feel respected, supported, and never blamed.
Where to Start
If you’re a parent walking through estrangement and you want to begin therapy, I offer:
- Private, 1-on-1 counseling (in-person or Telehealth)
- Mental health assessments (for Texas residents)
- Estranged parent coaching (for action-focused support)
- Peer support groups (3x per week, virtual)
You don’t have to know what kind of support you need yet. A free consultation can help you figure that out.
Because whether you’re drowning in guilt, frozen in grief, or just trying to breathe again — there is help.
You don’t have to stay stuck.
You can heal.
You are not alone.
Let’s take the first step together.
—Brian
