(Please enjoy a guest column from my oldest and dearest friend, Whit McClendon)
Howdy, y’all! I’ve been asked to do a column of sorts here, and I’m pretty excited about it. If anything that I write can be helpful or illuminating for anyone at all, I’m thrilled. My dear friend Brian may have mentioned me here and there, as we’ve been friends for well over fifty years. We grew up together in Angleton, Texas, and have seen each other through a lot of nonsense. I’m a lifelong martial artist, currently running a school in Katy, Texas. I’m also an author of epic and urban fantasy, for what that’s worth.
I think the reason Brian wants me to write here is that I’ve always tried to evolve and grow, and although I can be slow as a turtle, I occasionally learn things that help me. I enjoy sharing them. And so here we are.
I’m currently going through a very challenging situation. After 22 years in business, I’m shutting down my martial arts school. From the time I was twelve years old, I dreamed of being a ‘Sifu’, and I busted my butt until I was in my mid-thirties before I achieved that goal. It’s all I ever wanted to do, and I can’t count the hours that went into my training. But for many reasons, most of them financial, the time has come for me to close our doors. One might say that mywhole identity has been wrapped up in running this place, but that’s about to end. Ouch.
Last week, I had a really rough time with it. The atmosphere in my mind was very negative and sad, and I had to work really hard to come out of it. I eventually did, though, enough to ask myself, “How did I get in such a bad headspace? What could I have done to prevent that?”
A couple of things immediately came to mind, so I reinstated one practice and started a new one.
I listen to motivational podcasts while I’m doing cardio, and Eddie Pinero’s Your World Within podcast, is a favorite. Other podcasts have a distinct ‘get you fired up’ vibe, and sometimes I need that. Your World Within is just Eddie telling stories to majestic background music—the lessons sneak up on you.
Last week, right after my worst days, he said something that really rang my bell. He basically said that I can write the narrative that I live by.
We all live by a narrative, a set of rules, beliefs, and circumstances that make up our consciousness. I have noticed that, unless I take concrete steps to control mine, my narrative rapidly slides into concern, worry, and sadness, especially during times of great stress. If a certain therapist doesn’t do his daily yoga, he throws his back out—it’s a 100% certainty [He’s not wrong–BB]. Likewise, I’ve found that if I skip reciting my morning affirmations for long enough, I eventually end up in a bad headspace.
Upon thinking about it, I realized that I haven’t been doing them for a long while, and that was part of my problem. My first step was to rewrite my affirmations and energetically recite them each morning. I haven’t missed a day since then.
That’s the practice I reinstated.
The new thing I started doing is actively writing my narrative. After my morning workout, when my body is pumped full of good exercise hormones and I’m feeling accomplished, I sit on the floor in my garage for 5 minutes, play some uplifting instrumental music, and I talk to myself out loud. I imagine what my life is going to look like in a few months when I don’t have the school’s bills dragging me down and I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to go teach class. I imagine the feeling of freedom I’ll have as I realize that I can write for hours each day if I want to, or spend my whole day on advertising projects. I can go teach and spar at my friend’s martial arts school anytime I’d like. And I can enjoy a lot more time with my lovely fiancée. I find the positives, as many as possible.
I also talk about the things I’ll accomplish in the future, like putting out 3 books in a year instead of 1 every 3 years. I talk about being recognized at conventions as a successful author, and being able to make a solid income from my books because I’m able to focus on the tasks that make that possible. I talk about finally tying the knot and traveling with my love because I’m no longer tied to the school’s schedule. I use my imagination and freaking WRITE that narrative, actively, and with great purpose.
These two practices have helped me SO much. I still have many tasks ahead, like all the paperwork, emptying out the school, selling the equipment, and shutting down the whole darned thing. The difference is that now I’m looking forward to what comes afterward, so those tasks aren’t dragging me down anymore.
More importantly, I’m controlling my narrative.
You find what you look for. I’d just forgotten to actively look for the good stuff, and the negative stuff stepped right in and made me miserable. It’s not wrong to be happy, but often, we’ve got to actively make it happen, and I’d just forgotten to do the work. I discovered that a few minutes of talking to myself aloud each morning makes a huge difference in my mental atmosphere, and I’m pretty sure that all of you reading this are worth a few minutes of talking. Give it a try—I hope you find it useful as I did.
The TLDR version: I realized that I needed to actively write my mental narrative so I redid my morning affirmations, began to recite them daily, and now spend 5 meditative minutes each morning talking to myself about how enjoyable my life can be.
The results have been overwhelmingly positive.
