On top of taking classes and such for my CEUs (continuing education units), I also spend no small amount of time reading and seeking additional pertinent information to continue to sharpen my tools. This is fascinating work, and I feel blessed to do it.
So yesterday I was reading, again, through Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, and I was struck by a point he made: Being brave enough to face flashbacks, bad memories, etc can be therapeutic. More on that in a bit.
I use a lot of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in my work, and that’s for two primary reasons:
1. It’s practical and logical.
2. It’s become the industry standard, and if you’re to work for anyone other than yourself, it’s usually required.
CBT has its drawbacks though, and one is that it can give the impression that our best option is to distract ourselves, to not think about the bad thing that keeps us up at night or causes us to panic. Yes, it also has analytical tools for dismantling those thoughts, and those tools are useful in most instances. But truth be told, I think it’s disingenuous to assume CBT users get that far, as a determined combination of thought-stopping and distraction, which are right out of the CBT playbook, will get a distressed person out of many a bad moment.
Here, Mr. Walker makes his point regarding the therapeutic value of facing flashbacks and bad memories:
We can encourage ourselves to face these growing pains by conceptualizing them as therapeutic flashbacks. We then choose to weather these flashbacks to stop the past from holding us back, to reclaim the fundamental human rights … denied us, and to finally own what is rightfully ours for the taking.
Shortly after that, he eloquently makes a favorite point of mine:
Bravery is, in my opinion, defined by fear. It is taking right action despite being afraid. It is not brave to do things that are not scary.
Our work towards healing and recovery in this post-estrangement life will require bravery. It will require you to face the thing you want to avoid most. I think of Gandalf facing the Balrog in the Lord of the Rings movie: “You shall not pass!”
This is not where you expected to be. My wife and I didn’t. Yet here we are, in this world full of triggers both external and internal. We do ourselves no favors by ignoring what pursues us. You have not survived all of life’s travails, pitfalls, and dangers to be finally defeated by a monster that only exists in your mind.
