Safe PLACE
Periodically, I encounter misconceptions and assumptions about PLACE. Mistaken PLACE assumption #1: We’re focused on reunification. No, we focus on coping. If you’re trying to reunite, we process that, though truth be told, better, dedicated resources for that are available elsewhere. Conversely, it’s not uncommon for a parent in PLACE to gain a new perspective during […]
In the Box
What do you want? And I don’t mean the first thing that might pop into many of our minds, which would be a peaceful reunion. I mean here, today, in your current circumstances. Do you want to know why? This might not be possible. Some of us get explanations, some don’t. And for those of us […]
The Truth in Our Answers
Somewhere down the road, farther down your timeline, is a version of you that has endured. Imagine a thriving you, well into radical acceptance, having persevered, even triumphed over the malaise that envelops early parent-child estrangement. They’re looking back at you and what you’re enduring today. What are they thinking? What would they say to […]
“It Took All the Kung Fu I had.”
As uncomfortable as this may be for me to share, I stand by my policy of transparency with our PLACE community. I struggled this week. From Monday to Wednesday, I had a depressive episode. Monday and Tuesday I got up, made myself work, and as soon as I had a break in the schedule went […]
In the Lips and Hearts of Little Children
In the novel Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackery wrote, “Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.”* From giving birth to toddler years, childhood illnesses, teenaged shenanigans, you’ve dealt with a gamut of a child’s predictably unpredictable challenges while also being a veritable fountainhead of love. It was in a […]
These Records Saved Me…
After all these years, I remain fascinated by music’s therapeutic value. As I write this, just above the computer monitor is an autographed photo of BB King. Down and to my left in my collection of 45 rpm records is the copy of his “The Thrill is Gone” that I learned to spin on a […]
Checking Your Emotional Distress
Our son got a D on an exam recently, and as you can imagine, it elicited a negative emotional response in him. He is in grad school, studying to be a counselor. It’s a joy to talk shop with him, and I’m convinced he could probably pass the National Counselor Exam already. He’s a dedicated, engaged student, […]
Feel What You Feel
It is ok to feel what you feel. In my field, we say that your emotions are not wrong. Sure, cognitive behavioral therapy places great emphasis on analyzing and correcting negative automatic thoughts (NATs). CBT does not, however, say that your emotional experience is wrong per se. As estranged parents and grandparents, we know that a […]
To Be Tolerant or To Tolerate
Being tolerant is one thing; what you choose to tolerate is another. I interviewed for a crisis intervention job when I was a counseling intern. It was a grueling, detailed clinical interview in which I felt I was doing well. The lead counselor told me we would wrap up by discussing a scenario. He described […]
The Right Thing For You
They say that integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is watching. In 2009, as my first wife and I separated, she spent a weekend at her parents’ house so I could pack my things and move in peace. Packing my toiletries late that evening, I came across a surprise: prescription narcotics […]