ICDs
Any model of grief, change, growth, progress, etc allows for setbacks. One minute we’re cruising along like we have no distress whatsoever, and the next we feel like we’re back at square one. It’s been about 28 months since I last saw my daughter. It has been, far and away, the most difficult thing I’ve […]
The Comfort of the Truth
I don’t know that there’s a prevailing message in the work I do as a counselor; we work to meet the needs of the patient, and as a generalist, I have a caseload that can present with what seem like countless variations of distress. Since PLACE started, though, many people have shared their frustration and […]
Whitticisms
(Please enjoy a guest column from my oldest and dearest friend, Whit McClendon) Howdy, y’all! I’ve been asked to do a column of sorts here, and I’m pretty excited about it. If anything that I write can be helpful or illuminating for anyone at all, I’m thrilled. My dear friend Brian may have mentioned me […]
Looking Up
A participant in the Monday meeting shared an anecdote about the joy in peering above her and seeing a whimsical art piece in the tree above her, and what a positive impact it had on her. It reminded me of a story from the early 2000s, when I used to run half-marathons with my lifelong […]
What Negative Reminders We Hold
Anyone reading this knows that life as an estranged parent or grandparent comes with emotional distress. We counselors are taught an ever-expanding repertoire of tools to use in our collaboration with the patient. In an initial session, I’m doing more than just gathering background; I’m trying to get a handle on how someone thinks. If […]
The Fork That Was
In the spring of 1992 in Austin, Texas, my then-girlfriend and I got into a disagreement. We’d not been together long. We’d actually had one date in late summer of 1990, back in my home county near Houston. That date was a comedy of errors that did not seem funny in the moment. Shortly thereafter, […]
What Reminders We Hold
There’s been discussion in meetings lately about belongings left behind by estranged adult children, as well as other tangible reminders such as our photographs. Some departing EACs use absolute language such as “never speak to me again,” while others appear to be keeping the door slightly open. In either case, figuring out what to do […]
Worthwhile Reading
The plan for today was to polish the column entitled “The Fork That Was,” a follow-up to last week’s “The Fork That Wasn’t.” However, I am instead going to take the opportunity to recommend a number of pieces on estrangement I’ve read this week. Two were sent to me (you know who you are–thank you!), and […]
1170
This is the story of the enigma that is the number 1170, and how it pertains to this family’s parent-child estrangement. I’m a 1968 baby. It was the year of the Beatles’ White album. The Navy had stationed my father in Adak, Alaska, which he called “The End of the World.” It’s about 1,200 miles southwest of […]
The Fork That Wasn’t
The fishing cabin our father had when we were kids was rudimentary to be sure, more of a shack than a proper dwelling. One dot in a sprawling bay alongside the Gulf of Mexico, it had no plumbing or power, save for limited DC (car battery) current he’d rigged up. It was mostly a getaway […]
