A Brief Reflection
I lost my father, whom the family lovingly referred to as “The Doug,” in January of 2022. At that point, he’d lost his own spouse about a decade prior. He certainly had his struggles with grief in the wake of her passing, but the family noticed that he stayed active, even adventurous at times. He […]
Compassion
The theme of compassion has recurred a number of times lately in my own life. Speaking to my own counselor recently, she re-emphasized the value and need of having not only compassion for others but for ourselves. The compassion we share with PLACE members is an invaluable help to Renee and me. 💡 So, what […]
The Story You Tell Yourself
For your consideration, our estranged children have a story they tell themselves. Though it may be puzzling or even unknown to us, they have a personal narrative in which a justifiable action was to remove themselves partially or fully from the family system. What is your narrative? What are you telling yourself regarding not only […]
A Support System
Sometimes what we need in order to cope at any given moment may surprise us. For your consideration, I recommend building a support system that can help as you learn to live after child estrangement. Part of an adaptive response to estrangement is to seek the help and support of others. Maybe you have a […]
You Always Win, Yet Always Lose
As I’ve done some honey-dos around the house this week, I’ve been thinking about what I’ve taken to calling the argument you always win, yet always lose. Through my training in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I learned to focus on the instances in a patient’s life when a problem doesn’t occur. LOSE If two days of your […]
Bravery
We say in the counseling field that our favorite patients are the ones who cross the threshold. That is, if someone has sought help and demonstrated sufficient motivation to make them actually show up, we’re off to a promising start. All of the change we seek starts with intrinsic motivation. The emotional effects of estrangement […]
You Are Heard
As Mother’s Day approaches, I want to remind you that you are heard. I hear you. We, parents going through this, hear and understand you. Before this estrangement, being a mother may have been a core component of your identity. Now, with the advertising and general ramp-up to this holiday, you may be facing recurring […]
Ruminating
The word “ruminating” has come up in session a couple of times lately. Ours is a situation that certainly lends to that sort of deep thinking, though it’s no secret that there comes a point at which it does a disservice. If all or most of your waking hours are spent ruminating on estrangement, you […]
A Sweet Suite in Time
It was just before midnight, and my 13-year-old daughter and I were stranded in a poorly-lit parking lot behind an IHOP as a strange car approached. We were several miles from home when the disintegrating driver’s side front tire gave us no choice but to stop right there. She looked at me uneasily as my mind […]
Sending a Message
Part One: On our recent friends trip to Cross Plains, Tx, I took the opportunity to talk about estrangement with my lifelong friend, Whit McClendon. I opened by assuring him, as I assure you now, that this isn’t foreshadowing or a hint of anything whatsoever. I asked a favor of him: In the event of my unexpected […]