I have a hard question for you.
Are you doing the work?
You’re here, reading this, maybe participating in our Zoom meetings because you’ve been affected by estrangement and you want to feel better, right?
There is a whole world of “interventions,” aka things to try to improve our mental/emotional wellbeing. Obviously, I’m a big proponent of peer support. Having been through this, what you bring to our community is invaluable. Even as you seek help, your experience lends empathy and comfort to others.
In addition to peer support, are you seeing a counselor? Are you in other groups? If you are a person of faith, are you relying on it as well?
Are you giving your physical body its best chance to thrive by resting and eating well? Are you reducing exposure to triggers?
When negative thoughts, memories and emotions occur, are you practicing what trauma counselors call “dual awareness” and using your tools to cope?
If your counselor is giving you homework, reading, and specific/measurable tools for adjusting your thoughts and habits, are you doing those things? If peers have good suggestions, are you following through? Yes, time is kind to trauma and other life-impacting events. The truth is, however, if your peers, your counselor, your religious or spiritual leader, and your friends are working harder for you to get well than you are, you can count on a couple of things:
1. Simply listening passively to them without following through is unlikely to make you feel better.
2. You risk them realizing that you aren’t putting in the work, and this could result in less support from them.
It’s a real phenomenon in session: People show up, listen pleasantly to the counselor, agree to do the homework and then… nothing. They get busy, they get distracted, or … who knows? Worst of all, sometimes it seems as if deep down, they feel that simply attending a counseling session or group or writing down the title of a Brene Brown book is therapeutic, even curative.
It’s not.
So, I challenge you to ask yourself:
1. Do I want to feel better?
2. If so, am I doing all that I can to do so?
If you answered yes to the first one and feel as if you lack ideas for the second one, please reach out to your counselor or join us in group for some brainstorming.
