There’s a lyric in a Billie Holiday song that makes me think about coping with estrangement.
The song is called “Don’t Explain,” and Holiday made no secret of the fact that it was about her ex-husband Jimmy Monroe’s infidelity.
The lyric is:
You know that I love you
And what love endures
As it’s written there, it’s not much of a stretch to think of this in the context of parent-child estrangement. Even with all the distress estrangement causes, somewhere deep inside aren’t you still thinking that you love the child, even as you struggle with what your love is having to endure?
But “endures” is the pivotal, most interesting word to me. The online Cambridge Dictionary defines that word as “to suffer something difficult, unpleasant, or painful.” If you’re reading this, chances are that definition applies to your experience with parent-child estrangement.
The second Cambridge definition proves just as salient to me: “to continue to exist for a long time.”
From the context of that second definition, Holiday’s song almost sounds like a question, asking what love do you have left?
Ideally, it’s love for yourself. No matter the trials, tribulations, tragedies, and traumas you’ve survived, love for yourself remains imperative.
Whether you’ve made a terrible mistake that started this estrangement, or they’re gone and you aren’t even sure why, love yourself.
Love yourself anyway. Give yourself the grace, forgiveness, mercy, and yes, the love you need. The true measure of your worth does not spring from your mistakes or difficult circumstances. Nor does it spring from your triumphs and accomplishments. The true measure of your innate worth can only come from within.
What love endures?
