A Buddhism lecture I attended made an interesting point: To think and speak negatively of yourself is non-virtuous. That means it is lacking in honor or integrity.
I also think about how that negative self-talk is often connected to guilt.
Guilt is feeling bad about what we’ve done.
One group member describes guilt as being in one of two categories:
- Realistic guilt is what we feel for having done something on purpose.
- Unrealistic guilt is what we feel for having done something that was not on purpose.
In any case, to sit passively by and allow guilt to run rampantly through our hearts and minds does our mental health a disservice. If you are trying to cope and heal, part of the work will be actively intervening to limit how much time and mental real estate guilt gets to have. What tools do you currently have to address your guilt? If you need more, what resources do you have for learning them?
One suggestion for addressing guilt is to borrow from a concept Alcoholics Anonymous uses called “living amends.” As can be the case with estrangement, some people with a history of alcohol use problems simply do not have the opportunity to apologize and/or make amends directly to someone they’ve wronged.
In that case, AA emphasizes living amends. This means making a change for the better and committing to it.
Be kind to yourself please, and protect your energy on your healing journey.
