I dreamed that my estranged child (EC) approached me to see if I’d “grown.”
My reply was emotional: “I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’ve been seeing my own counselor. I’ve started a support community. I’m meditating, attending lectures, and volunteering at a Buddhist meditation center… I HAVE GROWN!”
And when I woke up, I realized that desperately making the case that you’re fine doesn’t look fine.
Renee and I have worked hard through a lot of tears. We talk about the irony of our EC missing out on perhaps the best versions of ourselves.
Would there be a chance for the EC to observe the growth? Would we proselytize if we had a chance to communicate with them? I doubt it.
Just as we have our narrative, our framework for understanding the world within and without, so do our children. And we know that there is no guarantee that our growth will be seen, believed, understood, or acknowledged.
It doesn’t mean we stop growing.
Or waking up.
Keep working. Keep answering the bell. Be down when you must, but know that life is still worth living. The resilience, the introspection, and the adjustments bestowed upon us by the tragedy of family estrangement, all lend to a better version of ourselves.
Let the case for your growth and healing be evidenced by actions more than words.
And bear in mind that we can grow, improve, and thrive regardless of whether we were even at fault when our estrangement began.
Be proud of yourself and the work you continue to do, even if some days the best you can do is wake up.
