Our community promotes the principle of Radical Acceptance, a phrase coined by psychologist Marsha Linehan when she created Dialectical Behavioral Therapy back in the 80s.
Radical acceptance is basically accepting, without judgment, the reality of our situation, and working to move forward instead of remaining stuck on regrets, like “should,” “could have,” etc.
For your consideration, here are some DBT steps:
- Observe that you are questioning or fighting reality (“it shouldn’t be this way”).
- Remind yourself that the unpleasant reality is just as it is and changing it may be altogether outside of your control. This is the principle within the Serenity Prayer.
- Remind yourself that there are causes (plural) for the reality. And the fact that there are causes does NOT mean that you are to blame.
- Practice accepting with mind, body, spirit – Use accepting self-talk, relaxation techniques, mindfulness and/or imagery. If you chose to remind yourself to accept the changes in your life, what might you say?
- Write down what your behaviors would be if you did accept the facts and then engage in those behaviors as if you have already accepted the facts.
- Imagine, in your mind’s eye, believing what you do not want to accept and rehearsing in your mind what you WOULD do if you accepted what seems unacceptable.
- Attend to bodily sensations as you think about what you need to accept. If you’re experiencing physical reactions during this process, allow them to happen, proceed with the attitude that they will not dominate your day, and remember that these sensations will end at some point.
- Allow disappointment, sadness or grief to arise within you, and remember that those are temporary. You could even choose to put them “on the clock.” That is, if you’re experiencing them, you could choose to tell them – since you are the overseer of your own wellbeing – that they only get “X” amount of time to have your full attention. I have family members and patients who do this, and often this exercise can be done in 15 mins or less.
- Acknowledge that life can be worth living even when there is pain. (I’d suggest making this part of your daily affirmations.)
- List pros and cons if you find yourself resistant to practicing acceptance.
And keep in mind that sometimes when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.
