I had a growth moment last night. A friend of mine and I went to Fort Worth to see songwriter Steve Earle. We had a fantastic time, and if you like Americana/folk/songwriter material, he is highly recommended.
The chair to my right sat unoccupied until a man and a woman arrived midway through the show.
I’ve been to countless concerts, so it’s no surprise when my space is intruded upon or unintentional contact occurs. I consider myself to be a considerate concertgoer.
I found myself thinking that the new neighbor was not. He was broad-shouldered, and his left knee drifted well into the space where my knee had been. I went from being blissful to surly instantly. I was reminded of a similar scenario in a Houston club in ’89. A bouncer intervened that night before I could give in to temptation and start a fight.
I’ve grown since then, thankfully, and I chose to consider what I might say to a client presenting with such an issue. Before I could give it much thought, though, I realized that I was crowding the man to my left. True, he was the friend who attended with me. Still, it illuminated the hypocritical nature of my gripe.
And then Earle started playing his heart-wrenching ballad, “Goodbye.” Each chorus ends with the line, “I can’t remember if we said goodbye.” It’s the kind of song I wish I’d written.
In my peripheral vision I noticed something: The man who had intruded upon my space was wiping tears from his eyes. I noticed that I felt differently about him. In my mind, he pivoted from being selfish and inconsiderate to possibly being just a regular guy. Furthermore, I noticed that my position tweak created ample room for him, my friend, and me.
The idea of a misinformed narrative comes up on PLACE groups from time to time as we try to understand. We’ve had any number of conversations about incorrect assumptions and conclusions informing the child’s decision to estrange. As frustrating as that can be, please be mindful of the fact that it goes both ways. We’re all trying to wrap our heads around the changes to our relationships. I’m suggesting that if there’s information you lack, take a look at how you’re filling in the blanks, and be willing to extend someone else the grace which you both deserve.
