They say that integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is watching.
In 2009, as my first wife and I separated, she spent a weekend at her parents’ house so I could pack my things and move in peace.
Packing my toiletries late that evening, I came across a surprise: prescription narcotics in the bathroom cabinet. I was already several years clean and sober. I had no idea that was in that house.
I held the bottle in my hand and leaned against the doorframe. I had days ahead to myself, no accountability, and a fistful of pills.
Now, to be clear, I was resolute by that point. I was a newly licensed counseling intern, I was seeing patients, and my recovery was rock-solid. I paused for about 10 seconds before I decided to get rid of them. In the moment, I was reeling from the ironic scenario, and only about 2% tempted to relapse.
My counseling supervisor taught me not to flush prescription medications, as there are no filtration accommodations for them in a city water system.
I walked into the night air and dumped the bottle in the front yard.
The next morning, the first of my friends who were helping me move arrived. He immediately asked, “Why was there a pile of pills in your yard?”
I’d envisioned the pills disappearing between blades of lush Saint Augustine grass, whereas, in fact, I’d dropped them on a bare patch. My friend said he’d immediately stomped them to powder and kicked dirt over them.
(I used to joke that a part of me groaned with each stomp.)
I tell that story because today, when no one was looking, I did the right thing. See, in the process of setting up our new PLACE TikTok account, the app suggested “people you may know.”
Two of those accounts belong to my estranged daughter.
I long ago realized that “pain shopping,” as a PLACE member recently called it, leads to negative emotional outcomes for me. I did not wait 10 seconds before blocking each account.
If you’ve been in a PLACE group, you’ve heard me reiterate that there are so many variables in an estrangement scenario that we cannot hand out “cookie cutter” advice.
But for me, blocking those was the right thing to do.
How do you handle social media when it comes to estranged children?
