This change in our family system, often unexpected, has occurred, and here we remain. The changes can be subtle, or they can be across the board, with ripple effects in most every area of life.
Some members speak about how they seem to be going through the motions day to day, doing what’s expected of them even if it doesn’t feel engaging or genuine. They also often speak about how they struggle to even feel as if they have an identity.
Coming to grips with what we can control in this new life can be one of the challenges. We cannot control the children. We cannot impose our will and ensure that even so much as a conversation with the EC will occur. Whether we’ve made dreadful mistakes and feel largely culpable for what’s occurred, or if we feel the mistakes weren’t ours, here we are, unable to control the other person.
Keeping in mind that you can only control yourself, I have a question for you:
What can you do today that gives your emotional wellbeing the best chance?
Staying in bed all day probably doesn’t. Getting drunk? Nope. “Doom scrolling” on social media or snooping on the ECs’ profiles won’t do the trick.
And even bearing in mind that doing the best thing you can isn’t likely to be a miracle, what might move the needle on the distress meter down just a little?
When you tuck the covers under your chin at the end of the day and look at what you’ve done to give yourself a fighting chance to cope today, what will you have done?
If you struggle to answer that, ask yourself what someone you know and admire might suggest to you.
You don’t have to feel better in order to start, but you do have to start in order to feel better.
