Sometimes we talk about trying to grasp our estrangement as a narrative, a story in which our EC concluded at some point that for whatever reason(s), they would cut off or severely limit contact.
One might look at such a story as portraying the parent as the bad guy, the villain.
And though we may disagree with what they’ve done, it remains the reality of our current circumstances.
But have you succumbed to viewing yourself as the villain in the story? Studies on family estrangement consistently show that the causes tend to be an interwoven set of variables that can be as diverse as religion, politics, personalities, mental health issues, values, and more.
We try to make sense of how we got here, of course. Maybe you have limited information, save for an angry departing letter or confrontation. Maybe that final contact made it clear that in the EC’s story, you are the villain.
Have you chosen to assume the burden of this label? For all that we know about the moving pieces that go into a family system change as radical as estrangement, do you settle on “I’m the problem?”
Remember that you aren’t the problem. The problem is the problem.
We try on ideas like we try on clothing. Sometimes we get a fit, other times we don’t. Does this “bad guy” label truly fit you? As you look at the totality of your life to this point, does simply labeling yourself as a bad parent stand up to scrutiny?
Give yourself permission to take off the bad guy mask.
