Let’s take a minute and talk about what I have come to call “TV therapy.” As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I’m often amused (though sometimes frustrated) by inaccurate portrayals of counseling in TV and movies.
That example has influenced some people who come to session with me. At any given time, I’ve usually got at least one person on my caseload who thinks that therapy is as follows:
Lie down on the chaise lounge
Share secrets or talk about dreams
Listen to the counselor say, “uh huh” and occasionally make pithy observations
Feel better
Oh, if only it could be that simple.
I don’t even have a chaise lounge.
One simple word puts people in the counselor’s chair: distress. And if you’re experiencing distress, it’s clear that what you’ve done so far hasn’t been effective. And we all know that the reality is that sometimes what we’ve done is, well, nothing.
Getting better is work. It entails learning and implementing tools. That is, if you want to get better, understand that there are specific, measurable approaches to working towards change.
If you’re experiencing distress because of family estrangement, ask yourself what you’ve done to change things such as:
· Thought processes
· Expectations
· Maladaptive behaviors
· Negative family and social influences
· Exposure to triggers
· Mental health disorder symptoms
· Drug or alcohol use
· Impulsivity
· Reactions to anger
· Black and white/absolute thinking
· Biological needs
And so on.
Admittedly, there can be some value in venting to an uninvolved third party, sure. However, you are unlikely to find that your distress reduces significantly if you’re clinging to “TV therapy.”
What intentional changes have you made in an effort to cope with and recover from parent-child estrangement?
