We’ve talked about how having an EC (estranged child) can result in an identity crisis. If you’re not MOM, DAD, GRANDPA or GRANDMA, what identity remains?
Similarly, I wanted to touch on two similar, interrelated topics:
Purposelessness and permission.
Just like the identity issues that can arise from estrangement, we can struggle with a core question: What is my purpose in this life?
Perhaps you’ve known retired people who struggle to adjust to the freedom of purposelessness they’ve dreamed of for decades. Some go back to work, some volunteer or seek other meaningful pursuits.
The paradox is that the freedom of purposelessness can actually be its own sort of prison.
And in a counseling session, a discussion about this might start with reviewing your values, boundaries, and beliefs.
Have you led an adult life in which your entire purpose was being a parent or grandparent?
For starters, take a moment and listen to what you’re effectively saying. If your purpose and identity were wholly dependent upon being a parent or grandparent, that is perhaps a recipe for problems based on the simple fact that at some point the nest will be empty. We are multifaceted, rather complicated creatures, and there is far more to your identity than being in the service of your offspring.
The other word is permission. You probably did not envision ever relinquishing that parent or grandparent role, voluntarily or involuntarily.
I was laid off from a job in 2000, and when they notified me, I responded with, “But… but I have work to do.”
You have permission, in spite of your intrinsic sense of duty, guilt, responsibility, integrity, etc to allow another purpose to emerge.
