Shall We Build a Boat?
Take a moment to ask yourself if you’ve done all you can to not only end the ongoing parent-child estrangement, but to cope with it. One recurring criticism of what we do, as originates from outside of the PLACE community, is that we are an echo chamber, a group of toxic parents and grandparents […]
Our Most Common Criticism From Within
The social ecosystem that is a peer support group continues to fascinate me. March marked two years of Parents Living After Child Estrangement. I’d run countless groups of varying types before PLACE even began, and I plan to write a column soon about what a wild ride that was. Each group session reveals complexity and nuance such […]
Fire, Rain, and Healing
I watched–and listened to–James Taylor fighting emotional distress with his music. My wife and I saw him perform in Fort Worth last week, and from the moment it started, I was transfixed by the man and the music. Taylor’s struggles with his mental health, such as a 1965 stint in a psychiatric hospital, have […]
Tolerating Us
A dedicated member texted me the other day. She’s been reading Mel Robbin’s book The Let Them Theory. She had a thought provoking question. How would you answer this? I’m continuing to read “Let Them” and my head is spinning. I just got through reading a part where she talks about how natural it is to not […]
I Want Mom
One night in 1995, it felt like my whole world was crashing down, and all I could think of to do in the moment was reach out to my mother. I share this story because of the strength of the compulsion I felt in the moment, and how turning to my mother seemed like what you […]
Making Sense
Cooper wasn’t the dog I wanted, but the dog I needed. If he was sent to our family by some power greater than I, it was surely to teach one important lesson: Not everything makes sense. One day long ago, my wife saw a “found dog” poster. The person who found this young Sheltie mix […]
The Measure of Your Worth
PLACE meetings refresh and amaze me. Without fail, we process new perspectives, strategies, and what seem to be never-ending approaches to support. We had an in-depth discussion recently about understanding our worth. There’s a temptation during parent-child estrangement to conclude that the departure of this other human, our child, is an inarguable indicator that we […]
Diagnosis By Proxy
It is common for PLACE members to share stories of being told by their child that they are “narcissists” or have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), often without having ever met a clinician. This “diagnosis by proxy” is problematic for a number of reasons. Being called a narcissist implies a clinical diagnosis of NPD. Bear in mind that […]
Types of Boundaries
As you EPs probably know, “boundaries” is a word that’s not only overused, but frequently used incorrectly. Your boundaries are your personal policies about how you will conduct yourself. There is often an interpersonal aspect. Our boundaries are not rules for other people. If I say, “My boundary doesn’t allow you to yell at me,” that’s incorrect […]
Social Media & Self-Diagnosis Culture
I spent much of the last week finishing the continuing education units required for my biennial license renewal. I’m grateful for what I learned in a course called “Social Media Self-Diagnosis Culture,” as it was pertinent to the parent-child estrangement community. In interviews with the New York Times and NPR program On Point, we discussed the lowering of diagnostic […]
