Feel What You Feel

It is ok to feel what you feel. In my field, we say that your emotions are not wrong. Sure, cognitive behavioral therapy places great emphasis on analyzing and correcting negative automatic thoughts (NATs). CBT does not, however, say that your emotional experience is wrong per se. As estranged parents and grandparents, we know that a […]

To Be Tolerant or To Tolerate

Being tolerant is one thing; what you choose to tolerate is another. I interviewed for a crisis intervention job when I was a counseling intern. It was a grueling, detailed clinical interview in which I felt I was doing well. The lead counselor told me we would wrap up by discussing a scenario. He described […]

The Right Thing For You

They say that integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is watching. In 2009, as my first wife and I separated, she spent a weekend at her parents’ house so I could pack my things and move in peace. Packing my toiletries late that evening, I came across a surprise: prescription narcotics […]

Boundaries and Values

I’ve been thinking about the similarities between boundaries and values. As you EPs probably know, “boundaries” is a word that’s not only overused, but frequently used incorrectly. Your boundaries are your personal policies about how you will conduct yourself. There is often an interpersonal aspect. Our boundaries are not rules for other people. If I said, “My […]

Collateral Good

When I travel next week, I’ll see my sibling and her family. I haven’t been down there since my father’s funeral just over two years ago. I often tell people that my relationship with my sister might be like Paul McCartney’s with Ringo Starr. That is, only one other person on the planet can fully […]

“Walking Home”

I’ve just returned from playing at a local venue. I had a good time. My estranged daughter, in some small way, could have been with me tonight as I played. I must admit that I’m still trying to figure out what to think of that. I’ll explain in a moment. I’ve been writing songs for […]

We Are the Magic

When PLACE began in spring of 2023, I dove into the work of making a program, and lost a lot of interest in creating new social media content. I had work to do. Fortunately, some prominent estranged parent accounts think favorably of what we do, and have continued to refer people to us. I am […]

Neuroplasticity

My mentor, a counselor named Linda, planted seeds that continue to grow within my heart and mind. In Texas, part of the process of becoming a fully licensed counselor is to spend a period of about two years under the tutelage of a supervising counselor. I could not have been more fortunate than to know […]

Top Tier Needs

In the last newsletter, we talked about how the existence of our social needs, as illustrated above in a Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model, explains why so many of us benefit from peer support in difficult times. Whether it’s via a community such as PLACE, a place of worship, a friend group, or certainly even […]

Why Groups?

I’ve been pondering one simple question in the last couple of days: Why groups? That is, why do we parents and grandparents working to live in a post-estrangement world benefit from joining a community such as PLACE? After all, here we are having been in a particular family group, and there’s an irony in suggesting that […]