“I Have Grown!”

I dreamed that my estranged child (EC) approached me to see if I’d “grown.” My reply was emotional: “I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’ve been seeing my own counselor. I’ve started a support community. I’m meditating, attending lectures, and volunteering at a Buddhist meditation center… I HAVE GROWN!” And when I woke up, I realized that desperately […]

An Unexpected Support System

Something remarkable happened in one of my individual therapy sessions with a patient one time, and given that we are a support program, I thought I would share it with you all. Cooper, our late sheltie mix, is as quirky as he is lovable. He’s long had the habit of joining my patients as they […]

Tools for Coping

If we talk about our tools for coping, keep in mind that while there are pretty standard approaches from counseling or religion or our mentors and leaders, what’s in your toolbox might not be what’s in mine. We are products of our physical and genetic selves as well as our environments and influences. Your particular […]

Avoiding Emotional Tailspin

One year, on Independence Day night, I believe I ended up within about 50 feet of one of our estranged daughters. I chose to keep it from sending me into an emotional tailspin. First, let me explain how this came to occur: Our local Independence Day fireworks show was held that night. Renee and I […]

Taking Your Thoughts to Court

Let’s look at an exercise from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is perhaps the most widely-used counseling intervention today. For your consideration, let’s try this exercise called “taking your thoughts to court.” We can use this when we’ve had negative automatic thoughts (NATs) that say horrible things like “I’m a failure” or “I’m a bad parent.” […]

Progress is Not Linear

I’ve been a baseball fan, and a Texas Rangers fan in particular, for decades. If you’re following the team at all, you know that sometimes they do far better than expected, but they also falter. My experience as a fan has taught me to resist the urge to have a knee-jerk reaction to this. The […]

Guilt

A Buddhism lecture I attended made an interesting point: To think and speak negatively of yourself is non-virtuous. That means it is lacking in honor or integrity. I also think about how that negative self-talk is often connected to guilt. Guilt is feeling bad about what we’ve done. One group member describes guilt as being in […]

What We Cannot Control

Letting go of what we cannot control is a crucial part of coping. Whether your particular framework for moral guidance is Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism, Stoicism, or countless more religions and philosophies, there is an emphasis on understanding what you can control and what you cannot. If you choose to fret about something outside of your […]

Creativity as Therapy

If you’re a creative person, you’re welcome to share something of yours in group. Whether it’s a song, a poem, a quilt, a painting or anything else, being creative is good therapy. The song I’m performing is about fathers, sons, and sunsets, and we may have some family and friends on hand for support. The song […]

There Are No Miracles

I make a point as a counselor to be clear with my patients: There are no miracles here. People come to a counselor or a support group because they’re experiencing distress. Does the counselor wave a wand and make it disappear? Absolutely not. In fact, much of the change that can occur is due to […]