Here’s a topic from the workbook.
Some quick tips on asking for peer support, whether it be on the phone, in person, or via text, include:
· When reaching out, lead with a generic “hello” or a “what’s up?”
· Remember that the person you’re talking to might be having a good day. This is a lesson straight out of grief support: We don’t blindside our peers with triggers. If you lead with “how are you?” or something similar, then from the first communication you are presuming to inquire about someone’s emotional state.
· After that, solicit help by leading with a yes/no question. “Do you have some time to help me process [current stressor]?”
· Then, it’s a good idea to give them some idea of your time parameters. Examples: “This is pretty complex and might take some time” or “I don’t need much time.” They, in turn, have an opportunity to clarify about their availability, their capacity to engage in a difficult discussion with you, etc.
· This strategy attempts to get the help you seek while not triggering or burdening the other person unnecessarily. If at some point during the discussion the other person is triggered or upset, remember that they have the option of telling you that they aren’t able to continue. Furthermore, if you are the recipient of a help inquiry, remember to keep your own wellbeing in mind and be transparent and honest with the other person about your emotional state both before and during the discussion.
· Finally, I’d suggest that in addition to thanking them, end on a positive note, even if it’s something small.
We have all had those days on which finding something positive to think or say is difficult. Don’t overcomplicate it. You could say something as simple as:
· “I’m so glad to know you.”
· “I’m glad to be alive.”
· “I won’t forget you being there for me.”
· “I’ve gotten through everything else so far, and I will get through this.”
· You could quote someone you respect. I sometimes go with John Lennon: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
