We say in the counseling field that our favorite patients are the ones who cross the threshold. That is, if someone has sought help and demonstrated sufficient motivation to make them actually show up, we’re off to a promising start. All of the change we seek starts with intrinsic motivation. The emotional effects of estrangement can be extraordinarily difficult, and something as simple as logging on to a Zoom meeting such as ours can feel rather formidable.
Renee and I certainly understand.
Furthermore, I think it’s fair to say that attending a support group meeting or seeking any help whatsoever can be a remarkable feat of bravery.
Bravery is a funny concept. We think of heroes from literature, comics, or movies, be they fighters or scientists or people working for change. I love a good hero story as much as anyone.
But all of my years in the counselor’s chair have convinced me of this: The bravest among us are the most anxious.
Think of Wonder Woman for a moment. Okay, if she’s in a battle with some intergalactic foe, we see her moments of doubt portrayed. Part of the formula is that for a moment, it even looks like she’ll lose the battle.
But she’s Wonder Woman. Is facing her enemy with unbelievable strength and skill braver than the person for whom checking the mail or buying groceries can cause a panic attack?
If someone is riddled with social anxiety, self-doubt, and self-esteem challenges hard-wired from a difficult upbringing, how amazing is the bravery they demonstrate by trying to make a friend or go on a date?
The most anxious among us are perpetually among my heroes.
And for every day that you open your eyes and face a post-estrangement life, you too are my hero.
