Looking Up

A participant in the Monday meeting shared an anecdote about the joy in peering above her and seeing a whimsical art piece in the tree above her, and what a positive impact it had on her.  It reminded me of a story from the early 2000s, when I used to run half-marathons with my lifelong […]

What Negative Reminders We Hold

Anyone reading this knows that life as an estranged parent or grandparent comes with emotional distress. We counselors are taught an ever-expanding repertoire of tools to use in our collaboration with the patient. In an initial session, I’m doing more than just gathering background; I’m trying to get a handle on how someone thinks. If […]

The Fork That Was

In the spring of 1992 in Austin, Texas, my then-girlfriend and I got into a disagreement. We’d not been together long. We’d actually had one date in late summer of 1990, back in my home county near Houston. That date was a comedy of errors that did not seem funny in the moment. Shortly thereafter, […]

What Reminders We Hold

There’s been discussion in meetings lately about belongings left behind by estranged adult children, as well as other tangible reminders such as our photographs. Some departing EACs use absolute language such as “never speak to me again,” while others appear to be keeping the door slightly open.  In either case, figuring out what to do […]

Worthwhile Reading

The plan for today was to polish the column entitled “The Fork That Was,” a follow-up to last week’s “The Fork That Wasn’t.” However, I am instead going to take the opportunity to recommend a number of pieces on estrangement I’ve read this week. Two were sent to me (you know who you are–thank you!), and […]

1170

This is the story of the enigma that is the number 1170, and how it pertains to this family’s parent-child estrangement. I’m a 1968 baby. It was the year of the Beatles’ White album. The Navy had stationed my father in Adak, Alaska, which he called “The End of the World.” It’s about 1,200 miles southwest of […]

The Fork That Wasn’t

The fishing cabin our father had when we were kids was rudimentary to be sure, more of a shack than a proper dwelling. One dot in a sprawling bay alongside the Gulf of Mexico, it had no plumbing or power, save for limited DC (car battery) current he’d rigged up. It was mostly a getaway […]

What is the Reason for Parent-Child Estrangement?

I’ve been doing my due diligence lately, dedicating more time to reading the research on parent-child estrangement. I’ve not encountered anything concluding that what’s behind this is your fault or mine, at least not categorically. That is, the studies do not say that the catalyst behind this is an abuse epidemic, a systemic breakdown in parenting competence, […]

Carrying the Pain

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks thinking about the pain we carry, and the strategies, both nuanced and blunt, that we utilize to do so. It started when I heard a random lyric in a song that I wasn’t otherwise paying much attention to:  “I’ll hold the pain.” What do those four words mean? […]

Tell Everybody What It Is

Have you ever listened to the radio and felt like the music was speaking to you? As in, it was just the right song, saying just what you need at just the right time? A couple of clicks apart from each other this week, social media gave me just the right wisdom, and at just the […]