As I’ve done some honey-dos around the house this week, I’ve been thinking about what I’ve taken to calling the argument you always win, yet always lose.
Through my training in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I learned to focus on the instances in a patient’s life when a problem doesn’t occur.
LOSE
If two days of your week are extraordinarily stressful, even predictably so, there can be a real temptation to label your week, or possibly even your life, as horrible, impossible, ruined, etc.
And what do you suppose the effect is on your mind and emotions when you go through each day convinced that your entire life is that bad? It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We behave like pessimistic detectives, seeking evidence day in and day out that proves our theory. And if someone wants to argue that it’s not so bad? Here comes a torrent of proof that we have not only found but likely manufactured, in no small part, by virtue of our pervasive, negative labels. You win that argument every time with persistent, unshakable negativity.
Of course, winning that argument every time, which you very well may, results in a mental and emotional loss.
WIN
What if you were intentional in looking for the instances when you were ok, the instances in which you had a laugh, forgot about the stress, and even for passing moments had something resembling a good day? What if you were in the habit of being intentionally grateful not only for each moment outside of the two stressful days but for your days in general? We only get so many of them.
Parent-child estrangement is difficult, make no mistake. But have you fallen into the trap of simply refusing to see the life and possibilities that continue past this?
Take a moment now to ask yourself what you’re grateful for.
Personally, mine is a blessed and amazing life even now, and I am grateful for you.
